Engineering Jokes!

These jokes and illustrations were collected from various websites when I was an engineering student at IUT. Unfortunately I didn’t save the URLs. That’s why I couldn’t depict the URLs.

Joke # 1: Three Engineers

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, “Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?”

Joke # 2: Newton’s Law of Software Engineering

Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by external unbalanced manager.

Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.

Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.

Joke # 3: Bug Theorem

Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

Joke # 4: Engineers vs. Accountants

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answered an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Tickets, please!” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. Then they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant. “Watch and you’ll see.” answered an engineer.

When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Tickets, please!”

Joke # 5: MIT Engineer

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit’s package.”

The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?” And the HR Person said, “Certainly, …but you started it.”

 

Joke # 6: Engineers are the Best Boyfriends

Let me tell you why girls should eventually marry an engineer over a Law, Management, Arts or Medical School Graduate. He has three distinct advantages over the rest of the graduates.

Advantage 1: Secure lifestyle

An engineer boyfriend can provide you with a secure lifestyle. At 27 years old, an engineer probably has a respectable, stable job that gives him a high income to own a car, invest, have a comfortable life, and get married and buy a house too. Law graduates are still working as a lowly apprentice in law firm. Most management graduates have just failed on their first business plan. The arts graduate is still looking for a job. And the medical school graduate is still living in a hospital.

Advantage 2: Unmatchable industriousness

An engineer boyfriend will dedicate an unimaginable amount of his time and effort to understand you. Engineers strain really really hard to understand their work. You can believe that they will try really really hard to understand women too, just like how they understand their work, once they believe that you are the one. So even if they don’t understand you initially, they will keep on trying. Even if they still do not understand, they will figure out the correct method to keep you happy (e.g. buy diamond ring = 1 week’s worth of happiness.) And once they find out the secret formula, they will just keep on repeating it so that the desired results appear.

Unlike the Lawyer who will argue with you. The Management graduate who will try to control your spending, The Arts graduate who will ‘change major’. And the medical school graduate who will operate on you. And you know what, it’s really so easy to make engineer’s believe that You are the ‘one’. Say that you like one of their project and they will be hooked to you forever.

Advantage 3: An engineer boyfriend will never betray your trust

Let me first tell you what is wrong with the rest of the others – The lawyers will lie about everything. Management graduates will cheat your money. The arts graduate will flirt, and you probably just look like another cadaver to the medical school graduate. Your engineer boyfriend is either too busy to have an affair, and even if he does, he is too dumb to lie to you about that. Hence, an engineer is the most secure boyfriend that you will ever find – rich enough, will keep on trying to understand and please you, has no time for affairs and too much confused to lie to you.