A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just write.
Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s.” It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
A man has at most six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush,toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn’t want.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
Men marry because they are tired.
Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.
Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface – mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters…
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.
A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband,
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her.
A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn’t marry.
Men often admit making a mistake.
The last woman who admitted that she was wrong, has not been found till now.
A woman always has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS:
Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy…
– One is to let her think she is having her own way.
– The other is to let her have it.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.